My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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