just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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