New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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