He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
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