All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
