We need to rekindle our bromance
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
