Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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