I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
