You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
