Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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