You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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