had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
