from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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