please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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