Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
