So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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