I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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