These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
