Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
