Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Randomize
