I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
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No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
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I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
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