strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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