so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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