I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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