have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
