we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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