yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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