i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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