Can i not drive my cunt home
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
