What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
