I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's never too late to be topless.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize