It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
