I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
