you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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