woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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