Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
