dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
A+ Viking dick
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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