my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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