im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
