i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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