I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
should my penis look like a turkey
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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