do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
