I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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