Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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