what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize