I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
