Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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