I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
