Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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