Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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