I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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