FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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