Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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