Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
We are all done wearing pants today
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
