Define "chronic" masturbator.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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