We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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