You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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